Here is something worth reading

i havent wrote much been busy with work,school etc..... If i dont respond probably its because im in some hospital with ivs stuck in my body due to my stubborness and jarett your going to kick me sideways just make sure you have the machine to bring me back, and dont take me off the machine, under no circumstances....and i am of sound mind some of yall are thinking okay this chic is insane but making my wishes here as well as paper people tend to read my blog so they can print it and give it to the docs....


anyway hope you guys have a blessed week



http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/new-chapter/200908/color-preferences-michael-jackson-and-the-love-self

I read it and have to say i Love ms colar shes on point


Color Preferences, Michael Jackson, and the Love of Self One component of my recovery from addictions is accepting myself.

A couple weeks ago, after watching an MSNBC segment on Harvard's Implicit Aptitude Test (IAT)^, I jumped at the opportunity to try it. After sifting through the different options, I decided to take the light skin vs. dark skin sample test. Once I finished it, my result was: Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for Dark Skin compared to Light Skin. I was absolutely stunned. I didn't know what the result would be, but I wasn't expecting that.

Recently I read a piece from author Kimberly Allers titled "Today I Cried for Lost Black Boys: Sadness for Michael". One line read: I will not rest until my little black boy, MY Michael, knows that his broad nose is beautiful, his chocolately brown skin is beautiful, and his thick hair is beautiful.

Some of the same reasons I've felt sadness about Michael Jackson's death are associated with why I was shocked about my IAT test result. I spent a number of years confused, uncomfortable, distressed, and otherwise unhappy about being black. The color of my skin, the size of my lips, the width of my nose, the texture of my hair - why, I thought, did God make me this way? If I had to be black, why couldn't I at least be light like my mom and my cousins? The difficulty I had reconciling my identity and race played a large role in developing an eating disorder.


And the eating disorder thing - I was already struggling with not fitting into a self-imposed "black mold". Then I have to go and get an eating disorder - and everyone knows black people don't get eating disorders. Except, apparently, some do.

A large component of my recovery from an assortment of addictive behaviors is learning how to accept myself. This includes being comfortable as a female, as a Christian, as a sexual being, comfortable with my body, comfortable as an African American - just comfortable with myself period. What a journey it has been. While I still struggle with it, I have definitely made progress. That is the time-, energy-, and sanity-effective thing to do. After all, the irony is if we spend tons of time and energy trying to be what we think others want us to be or what we think we're supposed to be, we're not able to just be. Obsessing takes over living, and the past and future eclipse the present.

So my heart hurts when I know that Michael Jackson struggled with who he felt he was supposed to be, who others felt he was supposed to be, what he should look like, what he should act like - in essence, who he was. His body dysmorphic disorder played a large role in his life, from what surgical procedures he had to what food he ate (or didn't eat). My heart hurts when I think of how many people there are who, while situations and manifestations are different, deal with some of those same underlying struggles.

I'm reminded of Dr. Kenneth and Mamie Clark's doll experiment in 1939 in which they asked black school children which doll they preferred and which doll looked most like them. The results showed that the kids often preferred white dolls to black dolls and connoted white as good and black as bad. I grew up in quite a different environment, yet I know that - as was demonstrated by my love of blonde Barbies and distaste for black Barbies - my doll results would've fit the norm. So from that perspective, I found the IAT result to be encouraging.

That doesn't make the result good or bad - it just is. Nonetheless, I believe it demonstrates that the girl I used to be - who would tuck in her upper lip to make it look smaller, pull her sweatshirt past her waist to minimize her body, soften her voice to seem less threatening, and in general, try to be what she thought others wanted her to be - is continuing to grow.

Allers' poem ends: Now ain't we bad? And ain't we black? And ain't we fine?

My ending would be: Ain't we ourselves? And ain't we comfortable being ourselves?

That's what I strive to be.